Forget love, I'd rather fall in chocolate.
- Sandra J. Dykes

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
- Agatha Christie

A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one.
- Mae West

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
- Samuel Johnson

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
- Woody Allen

By the time you swear you're his, shivering and sighing, and he vows his passion is infinite, undying... Lady, make note of this: One of you is lying.
- Dorothy Parker

I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell my children that, they just about throw up.
- Barbara Bush

To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the wedding cup,Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield

The most happy marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.
- Coleridge

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
- Phyllis Diller

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

You call it madness, but I call it love.
- Don Byas

What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.
- Pearl Bailey

Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.
- Ambrose Bierce

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.
- Georg C. Lichtenberg

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

The sincerest love is the love of food.
- Bernard Shaw

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
So each is inevitably disappointed.
- Albert Einstein

Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.
-W. Somerset Maugham

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
- Lily Tomlin

I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.
- Patrick Murray

Do not marry a man to reform him. That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.
- George Burns.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
- Milton Berle

To love and win, is the best thing. To love and lose, is the next best thing.
- William M. Thackeray